Managing friendships
Everyone has problems in their friendships at some point. Some people may be better at making friends than holding on to them. Perhaps you get annoyed with your friend, or your friend is making fun of you, or even trying to take advantage of you.
Remember that it’s always a good idea to ask for help from a trusted older person if you are having a problem with a friend. Someone else can give you ideas and help you to find solutions. A problem shared is a problem halved.
This video is from the excellent UK website Ambitious About Autism.
Click on Our Stories or click here for personal stories about managing friendships.
Top tips for keeping friends
- take turns with your friend in making suggestions about what to do when you get together
- remember that everyone has different opinions, it's ok to disagree with someone but always respect their point of view
- be a good listener, take turns in conversations, show interest in what they are saying (see our conversation skills section for more tips)
- don't come on too strong, a good general rule is to make contact once or twice a week and ask to get together every other week. Of course, if they are keen to see you more regularly and they suggest more frequently than that, that's ok.
Even with your best efforts, it's common for problems with friends to crop up. We have listed some of the common issues below and some ideas on how to deal with them.
Negative peer pressure
Sometimes friends, especially in groups, might be doing things you don’t want to, or encouraging you to do something that you know is wrong.
It’s important to be assertive, to say ‘no, I don’t want to do that’ and to walk away.
Setups
This is when someone you know asks you to do something or say something that will end up being embarrassing for you. It can be hard to tell if a situation is a setup. If you get a bad feeling about something, don’t do it. Always chat to a trusted friend or older person and explain what has been happening. Advice can really help you.
Managing teasing and bullying
Bullying is when someone repeatedly says or does something to you that causes you to be distressed. Bullying can include name-calling, spreading rumours about you, physically hurting you or harassing you.
Bullying can occur at school and at work. It can be face to face or even online. It is really important that you can recognise bullying and have know how to handle it and to get help when it occurs.
The Reach Out website has lots of information including:
- a definition of bullying
- different types of bullying
- how bullying can affect you
- why people might be bullying you
- what you can do when you are bullied
Resources
‘The funny thing is, I only relax when the new acquaintance is also on the spectrum. Those kids, I trust.’ Claire LeZebnik in Growing Up On The Spectrum book by Lynn Kern Koegel and Claire LaZebnik
This excellent book has a section on dealing with bullying and peer pressure.
Preparing For Life – The Complete Guide to Transitioning to Adulthood for those with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome by Dr Jed Baker
This book has very practical exercises to address some of these issues.
Managing friendships
It is likely that your son or daughter will run into problems in their friendships at some point. They may be better at making friends than holding on to them.
Perhaps they get annoyed with their friend, or the friend seems to be making fun of them, or even trying to take advantage of them.
Encourage your son or daughter to seek help if they are having a problem with a friend. Someone else can give them ideas or help them to find solutions.
Have a look at the common issues that come up and some strategies to assist in our Young people page, click on green tab above.
You can go over this information with your son or daughter or encourage them to have a look for themselves.
Resources
‘The funny thing is, I only relax when the new acquaintance is also on the spectrum. Those kids, I trust.’ Claire LeZebnik in Growing Up On The Spectrum by Lynn Kern Koegel and Claire LaZebnik.
This excellent book has a section on dealing with bullying and peer pressure.
Preparing For Life – The Complete Guide to Transitioning to Adulthood for those with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome by Dr Jed Baker
This book has very practical exercises to address some of these issues.
